Embracing the positives: a new book leads us down the right path

Life can be daunting at times. Many of us know the feeling of being overwhelmed.

Our days may be hectic and demanding. The pressure can make us stumble and doubt in our abilities. Often, we need to stop, breathe, and disconnect, before we can thrive again.

In life, challenges will undoubtedly come our way. It is how we cope with them that determines success.

Someone who has turned a challenge into a triumph is the inspirational London-based author Anna Tomkins.

The creator of Handbook for Today, unleashed during lockdown in May 2020, has an air of mystique about her. Glamourous in appearance, she is warm hearted and bubbly in person, touching the lives of those she meets.

Back then, her fashion business was struggling and had to be jettisoned. As with so many others, she also struggled with the lockdown, not just commercially but personally. It was a time during which many of us learned new coping mechanisms.

Swiss Army Knife

Her Handbook, and the community that she has created ever since, is focused on positivity, achievements, and perspective.

She describes the book as a “Swiss Army Knife” for mental wellbeing that encourages a more “intentional” way of living. “I choose to trust the process,” she says. “When one path is blocked, I find a better one.”

Tomkins has created a “wellbeing and personal growth journal” that aims to improve lives in simple, quick, yet effective ways. The onus for action is on the reader, however.

“It is down to you to make your own day great,” she says. “You can choose to respond to your circumstances in a way that helps you and you can start today.”

Designed mainly for women, her Handbook is an undated diary that can be used at any pace. Its nudges and prompts promote positive thinking and a successful mindset, which in turn may generate confidence.

“You are worthy of all the good that life has to offer, and you deserve to be successful,” says Tomkins, adding that the power of writing our personal achievements down on paper can make us recognise our own strengths.

Focusing on successes, not on defeats, has been proven to break through the negative thought cycles that we all know too well. Some call them “doom loops”.

Don’t be too hard on yourself is the message, but that does not come naturally to some. “Forgiving yourself for mistakes is a skill,” she says. “Practise it often.”

Write it down

Her book is a journal. Noting our accomplishments, no matter how small, helps to remind us of all the positive things we have achieved. Over time, when we reread them, that self-positivity is reinforced, resulting in a confidence boost.

In short, it shows that we can (and do) succeed, that our strengths are all there already. All we need from time to time is a little guidance or tweak. “Often, we already know what we should change,” says Tomkins.

There is no shortage of self-help books on the shelves, but translating theory into practice is the key, so tools to turn advice into action – such as Tomkins’s publications - come just at right time.

Her message is that by focusing on our achievements and accomplishments in everyday life, even the small and seemingly mundane, we are more able to be who we really are, and more likely to be happy.

The little things add up, too. Abstaining from that unnecessary drink the other evening, say, or offering that kind word to a neighbour, or staying silent when we would normally have criticised someone or something.

For adherents, Tomkins’ Handbook for Today is a light amidst the dark, peppered with little jewels that help. “The best investment you can make today is the investment in yourself,” she says with a knowing smile.

It is a simple way to write down someone’s goals, thoughts, and successes, while following cute little prompts to help us keep a positive mindset, take care of ourselves, and inspire us. There is a nugget on each page.

Four pillars

There is also a structure. The first of her ‘four pillars of self-love’ is caring for your physical self, which incorporates health, exercise, and diet.

The second incorporates habits to exercise the mind, engender compassion, develop a structure, and learn new things, which all helps to regulate our mood.

The third is connecting with others, which is important for happiness, while the fourth relates to the external world, including connecting with nature and our wider surroundings, which helps us regain perspective.

Often, we attribute our happiness (or otherwise) to external circumstances that are often beyond our control.

“Seeking external validation will keep you trapped,” says Tomkins, sagely. “You don’t need anyone or anything to approve of your worth. When you understand this, you will be free.”

It is natural to seek recognition, comfort, and validation in others, but it keeps us reliant after their approval. It is only when being ourselves is enough, that will find the happiness.

Handbook of Today is Tomkins’ fourth product to market. Others include Brag Book: My Book of Wins; A Handbook for Getting Hitched; and Today is Your Day: Positive Affirmation Cards. “Affirmation is the best way to remind ourselves that magic can happen,” she says.

Next projects

Not content with that, she says her next publication is already in the making, describing it as “my heart project”.

It will be dedicated to new mums, helping them keep a journal of the early days of motherhood. When mothers look back at that time, the initial days can seem “blurry”. The journal is designed to help them record their feelings and perceptions.

We all record everything about our newborn, but in the process, the mother often gets forgotten, Tomkins says. She wants to reset the focus slightly, to help improve the mother’s wellbeing and personal growth.

Feedback on her previous publications has been overwhelmingly positive, with one woman whose family were caught up in the Ukrainian war using it daily. “It saved my mental sanity as I was sick with worry,” she wrote. “It helped me stay optimistic.”

To those facing huge challenges, Tomkins says: “Trust in your gut that you know what is right. Take things day by day. Yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, the only thing we have is today.

“Don’t think beyond tonight if something is overwhelming you. Don’t think of anything more than you need to in order to get by. Live in the moment.”

You get an incredibly boost of positivity when you are around Anna. “The universe knows it all and guides us,” she explains.

“We are all given what we can deal with. Sometimes we only find out late that we have the strength to overcome these challenges. Sometimes we hit a wall repeatedly but eventually find a way round.”

If only she could bottle that positive spirit and confidence. In the absence of that, her Handbook is the next best thing. “Don’t forget to breath and smile,” she says.

“It is so simple sometimes. Just breathe slowly and calmly. Ground yourself, breathe deeply. Realise that the source of your stress is based on perception, then smile, and remember that there are so many good things in your life!”